I hope you enjoyed reading my SOAP series from my study time in the book of Philippians. I enjoyed writing it and God spoke to my heart through each and every post.
As I've mentioned a couple of times, I am currently doing a SOAP study of the book of Acts with my friend, Gina. I am learning so much from this and I want to share it with all of you. But, instead of the SOAP format, I'm just going to share what's in my heart. Sound good?
So, here goes...
Over the summer, I went through a situation that really tested my faith, my patience, and my trust in God's promises.
A job opportunity unexpectedly presented itself to me. At first, I resisted the idea of even applying, arguing that I wasn't qualified and that it would never work with my homeschooling. But God kept speaking to me, encouraging me to step out and try. So, I sat down to type up my resume. The more I worked on it, the more I realized that I WAS qualified. I DID have training and knowledge and experience that had prepared me for the job.
So, I turned in my resume, went through the interview process, and waited for the call that I had the job. I spent time praying and seeking God's guidance each step of the way and I was completely, 100% sure that I was the one God would choose. In the end, the decision was between me and one other person. And the other person was chosen.
I had tried to prepare my heart for the possibility of not getting the job, but in reality, it's impossible to put your whole heart into something AND keep it at a distance at the same time. So, I was devastated. Why would God ask me to step out and apply for that job if He knew all along I wouldn't be chosen? Why would He want to set me up for rejection? Was it some sort of cruel trick for His amusement-keep me on a spiritual yo-yo offering me something good and then snatching it away at the last minute? Was I not good enough for God to use me for something great?
It was just a couple of days after I got the news that I read this passage in my study time.
Acts 1:23-26
23 So they nominated two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. 24 Then they prayed, “Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen 25 to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs.” 26 Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles.
Notice, the disciples did not pray for God to show them who was more qualified. They didn't pray for God to show them which one was worthy. They didn't ask God to show them who He accepted and who He rejected. They asked God to simply show them who was the right person for THIS job. Who should be the one to take the place of Judas as one of the 12? That person was Matthais.
Did that mean that there was something deficient about Joseph? No. Did not becoming a disciple cancel out Joseph's inclusion in the Great Commission to go out and reach people with the Good News? No. Did Mattais being chosen for the job disqualify Joseph from ever being used by God somewhere else? No.
All it meant was that THIS job was meant for Matthais and God was going to use Joseph somewhere else. Joseph wasn't rejected by God. He was CHOSEN to work for God in a different way.
We don't really know what happened to Joseph called Barsabbas. I tried to do a little research and couldn't find any hard facts about him. But most of the things I found suggested that it is believed He went on to do spread the Gospel in other areas.
As I was reading this passage, God spoke to my heart and my peace began to return. I started to understand that my not getting the job was not a rejection from God. It wasn't because I was unqualified or somehow not good enough. It wasn't because of some mistake in my past or deficiency in my abilities. It wasn't a confirmation that God could never use someone like me.
Looking back on it now, I can see purpose behind why God asked me to apply for the job, even though it wasn't His plan for me to be hired. The biggest one being that applying for this job was a huge step out of my comfort zone. I had to actually put myself out there and take a risk. Also, through this process, my eyes have been opened to see myself more like God sees me. Where I used to think that I had no talent, no gifts, no abilities to work in a leadership position, I now understand that I CAN lead and I CAN do more than just hide in the background. I now know that God has a big plan for my life, something He is preparing me to step up and do someday.
The reason I didn't get hired for the job was because this wasn't the right job for me. I could have done this job and done it well. I would have put my heart and soul into it, but it wasn't right for me. It wouldn't have fulfilled the plans that God has had for me since before I was born. I wasn't rejected for this job, I was CHOSEN for another job. And it will be revealed to me at the perfect time.
Jeremiah 29:11 says,
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Because God promises that He has a plan for my future, I can rest assured that even though the chatter in my brain tells me I've been rejected, the truth tells me I am CHOSEN. God has a perfect plan for me. I just have to be willing to wait for it to be revealed.
So, I turned in my resume, went through the interview process, and waited for the call that I had the job. I spent time praying and seeking God's guidance each step of the way and I was completely, 100% sure that I was the one God would choose. In the end, the decision was between me and one other person. And the other person was chosen.
I had tried to prepare my heart for the possibility of not getting the job, but in reality, it's impossible to put your whole heart into something AND keep it at a distance at the same time. So, I was devastated. Why would God ask me to step out and apply for that job if He knew all along I wouldn't be chosen? Why would He want to set me up for rejection? Was it some sort of cruel trick for His amusement-keep me on a spiritual yo-yo offering me something good and then snatching it away at the last minute? Was I not good enough for God to use me for something great?
It was just a couple of days after I got the news that I read this passage in my study time.
Acts 1:23-26
23 So they nominated two men: Joseph called Barsabbas (also known as Justus) and Matthias. 24 Then they prayed, “Lord, you know everyone’s heart. Show us which of these two you have chosen 25 to take over this apostolic ministry, which Judas left to go where he belongs.” 26 Then they cast lots, and the lot fell to Matthias; so he was added to the eleven apostles.
Notice, the disciples did not pray for God to show them who was more qualified. They didn't pray for God to show them which one was worthy. They didn't ask God to show them who He accepted and who He rejected. They asked God to simply show them who was the right person for THIS job. Who should be the one to take the place of Judas as one of the 12? That person was Matthais.
Did that mean that there was something deficient about Joseph? No. Did not becoming a disciple cancel out Joseph's inclusion in the Great Commission to go out and reach people with the Good News? No. Did Mattais being chosen for the job disqualify Joseph from ever being used by God somewhere else? No.
All it meant was that THIS job was meant for Matthais and God was going to use Joseph somewhere else. Joseph wasn't rejected by God. He was CHOSEN to work for God in a different way.
We don't really know what happened to Joseph called Barsabbas. I tried to do a little research and couldn't find any hard facts about him. But most of the things I found suggested that it is believed He went on to do spread the Gospel in other areas.
As I was reading this passage, God spoke to my heart and my peace began to return. I started to understand that my not getting the job was not a rejection from God. It wasn't because I was unqualified or somehow not good enough. It wasn't because of some mistake in my past or deficiency in my abilities. It wasn't a confirmation that God could never use someone like me.
Looking back on it now, I can see purpose behind why God asked me to apply for the job, even though it wasn't His plan for me to be hired. The biggest one being that applying for this job was a huge step out of my comfort zone. I had to actually put myself out there and take a risk. Also, through this process, my eyes have been opened to see myself more like God sees me. Where I used to think that I had no talent, no gifts, no abilities to work in a leadership position, I now understand that I CAN lead and I CAN do more than just hide in the background. I now know that God has a big plan for my life, something He is preparing me to step up and do someday.
The reason I didn't get hired for the job was because this wasn't the right job for me. I could have done this job and done it well. I would have put my heart and soul into it, but it wasn't right for me. It wouldn't have fulfilled the plans that God has had for me since before I was born. I wasn't rejected for this job, I was CHOSEN for another job. And it will be revealed to me at the perfect time.
Jeremiah 29:11 says,
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Because God promises that He has a plan for my future, I can rest assured that even though the chatter in my brain tells me I've been rejected, the truth tells me I am CHOSEN. God has a perfect plan for me. I just have to be willing to wait for it to be revealed.
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