My anchor

According to ijinmarine.net, the purpose of an anchor is "so that the vessel does not drift unnecessarily from its position due to water currents." An anchor is used to attach a boat or a ship to the solid seabed at the bottom so that the boat cannot be moved by what's going on at the surface. So when the winds blow and the waves pound against it, the boat will stay securely in place because it is firmly connected to the unmovable rock below.

I've recently been a little fascinated by anchors. I think it's very cool to think about how a comparatively small anchor can hold on so tightly to the rock that it can keep a boat many times it's size and weight stationary against all the forces that are trying to move it from it's place. So, I did a little research on how an anchor actually works and I came up with some pretty cool facts. Check them out!

*Most importantly, the anchor must reach all the way to the sea floor to work properly. If it doesn't go all the way down to the bottom, the ship will not be secure.

*Once the anchor is at the bottom, the ship moves in reverse to ensure that the anchor digs in to the seabead. This makes sure it is anchored tightly to the bottom.

*If a ship is not properly anchored, it can be dragged by the wind or the currents and be damaged.

*If the storm is especially fierce, the ship can be dragged despite the strong anchor. During times of rough weather, the ship cannot be left unattended.

*Proper care of the anchor and it's ropes or chains attaching it to the boat must be taken. If the anchor is allowed to get rusty or if the ropes are worn, chances of the boat drifting increase.

This reminds me so much of our relationship with God. In Psalm 18, it says that God is our Rock. He is the constant, solid, foundation at the bottom of our "sea" of life. He never moves despite the wind and the waves and the storms of life that come at us. And the only way for us to stand firm in the midst of all that life hits us with is to be anchored to the Rock.

But sometimes, as much as I try to cling to Him and hold myself steady, the storms of my life are just too strong. I have trouble keeping myself anchored and stable. The winds and the waves come against me and try to pull me away from the place God wants me to stay.

But, thank God, I don't have to do it alone! He has given me a second anchor to help me keep my grip on the Rock. To help me hold steady when the storm is raging. The keep me at peace when the world around me is anything but.

This is her.

My friend, Gina, is an amazing woman. If you know her, I don't have to convince you of that, you see it, too. She is the most self-less, compassionate, giving, unconditionally loving person I have ever met. She is my anchor.

Gina has walked with me through some very hard times, some unbearably difficult storms. She has been there when I have felt unloved, unlovable, insecure, afraid, and invisible. She has talked me through disappointments and discouragements that I thought I couldn't bear.

Not only that, but she has been my cheerleader. She has encouraged me to become the person I was created to be. She has celebrated successes with me and helped me see more inside myself than I ever imagined. Gina has helped me to see myself the way that God sees me.

She is my anchor.

The best thing about my friendship with Gina is that it is and always has been centered and anchored in God. We met at church and our friendship grew through a Bible study we attended together. We study the Word together, we lift one another up in prayer, we seek answers in scripture together. The Bible study group that our friendship grew from is now our ministry. We lead it together. We have prayed, fasted, cried, studied, and rejoiced for it. And through it, our friendship has grown deeper...because it is anchored in the Rock. Gina is always there to speak God's truth and love into my heart.

She is my anchor. 

(did I mention that already?)

As a symbol of our friendship and the way we anchor one another in Christ, Gina and I went a couple of weeks again and got matching tattoos...anchors, of course.

I absolutely love them! They represent our friendship so perfectly! It's our story and our testimony right there on our wrists. And they're more than just anchors, way more. But that story is for another post.

Thank you, Gina, for being my anchor! I love you!

Hebrews 6:19
"We have this hope as an anchor for our soul, firm and secure."

Get rid of the honey!

Although our family eats dinner together every night, lately busyness has kept those dinners from being at our own kitchen table as often as they used to be. But, when we do, you can be sure there is going to be some interesting, somewhat crazy conversation. Our dinner table is rarely calm or quiet, but I like it that way. It's the best time for me to get some awesome, facebook worthy, quotes from my kids. They say the funniest things!

Last night was one of those rare evenings when the kids and I sat down to dinner together at our own kitchen table (and even rarer than that, I am the one who cooked the meal!). It was a nice time of just hanging out together. We talked and laughed and just enjoyed each other's company. A fun time of reconnecting.

At our house, dessert after dinner doesn't happen very often. Usually only if we have guests or it's a special occasion, like a birthday.  The closest we usually come to dessert is when we have biscuits with our meal. The kids will save them to eat with honey at the end of the meal as their dessert.

 Last night was one of those nights. Cheyenne had been waiting through the whole meal for that delicious biscuit and honey. She was so excited about it as she opened up the biscuit, squeezed out more honey than any one person should eat at one time, and picked it up to take a bite.

Just as she was about to put it in her mouth, she stopped. "Eeewww! There's an ant in my honey!"

Now, here's the part of the story I skipped. Last week, we had a similar dinner at our kitchen table. At that meal, we also had biscuits. And at that meal, the kids also wanted biscuits and honey. But, guess what?! Each time someone put honey on their biscuit, they found an ant!

After looking around to see if we could find a source, I concluded that they must somehow have found their way into the honey container and were coming out when they kids squeezed the honey out onto their biscuits. But when the kids inspected the container, they couldn't see any ants on it. They didn't believe me. It looked fine on the outside, no ants to be seen, just beautiful, golden, sweet honey.

So they put it back in the cabinet.

So, last night when I heard Cheyenne say there was an ant on her biscuit, I said, "I tried to tell you they were in the container. You can't see them, but they are there. You need to throw that honey out."

Wouldn't you know, she started to argue with me, at first. Looking at the container, she still couldn't see any ants. The honey looked good from the outside. But when she looked at her plate and saw that little ant, she couldn't deny that it was there. And the only logical conclusion for where it had come from was the honey.

Reluctantly, she threw the honey away.

Isn't that just like us with God? We look at our lives and know something isn't right. We don't have the peace of mind we long for, our finances aren't what we wish they were, we feel overwhelmed by all of the busyness of things we "have" to do, we are stressed and unhappy. There's an ant in our honey.

And, in our hearts, we hear God speaking to us, telling us that we need to get rid of the honey.

Hebrews 12:1 says,
 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,

When I read that, I immediately think of certain "big" sins-stealing, adultery, addictions-and I think I'm okay. I don't have any of those in my life. From the outside, everything looks fine. All anyone can see is beautiful, golden honey.

But then I look deeper. And that's when I find the ants. A little bit of gossip here, a little jealousy there, with some anger and unforgiveness mixed in. Oh, and then there's some discontent and laziness in there as well. Doesn't sound so yummy now, does it?

But the good news is, I don't have to keep that honey with the ants in it! I can throw it out.

Just as disappointment was setting in around my kitchen table because there would be no honey, I told them a secret. I had another jar of honey in the cabinet for them! And this one did not contain any ants!

They were so excited!

And so it is with us. We don't have to settle for that old, ant filled honey because Jesus has brand new honey waiting on us. All we have to do is be willing to throw out the old and accept the new. 

Dear Jesus,
Thank you so much that I don't have to live with ants in my honey. I can live that beautiful, sweet life that I want just by asking you to take away the old and bring me the new. Lord, help me to see the places where I fall short and to give them to you. I want to get rid of anything that holds me back and run the race you have marked out for me. Thank you for your love, mercy, and grace that I can bring my imperfections to you and let you make them perfect. Your unconditional love for me is overwhelming! 
In Your Name,
Amen

 

Attitude is everything...

Sometimes my kids can be so sweet! I love when they do little unexpected things for me like bringing me flowers they've picked from the yard, draw me a picture, do an extra chore without being asked, or say a sincere thank you when I've done something for them. It makes my heart happy to see them go out of their way to be nice. Just now, my Cheyenne just made me an apple with caramel sauce just because she was having one and thought I might like one, too. I love that!

My son, Landon, can be especially sweet. I love all my kiddos, but there is something about a little boy and his mama that is totally different than moms and daughters. He melts my heart. 

Landon can give the most awesome back rubs! He likes to take his little cars and drive them around on my back...so relaxing. I love when he does that! It can put me to sleep in a minute! And I especially love it when he does it spontaneously, just because he loves his mama.

I started to notice a pattern lately, though about when those back rubs would come. It used to be that I would just randomly get one every few days or so. Then, they started to come every day. Then, I noticed that they were coming at about the same time each day...

While the girls were cleaning up the kitchen. 

My sweet son was not coming to do something nice for me, he was pretending to do something nice for me as a cover for him not doing something I asked him to do. He was using a service to me as a way to get out of doing something he didn't want to do. 

As that realization sank in, I no longer viewed his offer to rub my back as a kind gesture, but as an insulting, disappointing action on his part. Instead of making my heart smile, it made my heart sad and hurt. Because it wasn't the action I was so fond of, it was the attitude and the love behind it. Without the love, the action was meaningless.

There's a story in Acts chapter 8 that speaks to how God feels when our actions are motivated by selfish ambitions as well. Acts 8:18-23 says

 

¹⁸ When Simon saw that the Spirit was given at the laying on of the apostles’ hands, he offered them money ¹⁹ and said, “Give me also this ability so that everyone on whom I lay my hands may receive the Holy Spirit.”
²⁰ Peter answered: “May your money perish with you, because you thought you could buy the gift of God with money! ²¹ You have no part or share in this ministry, because your heart is not right before God. ²² Repent of this wickedness and pray to the Lord in the hope that he may forgive you for having such a thought in your heart. ²³ For I see that you are full of bitterness and captive to sin.”

Simon was asking for a seemingly good thing. He wanted to offer the Holy Spirit to those around him. But his motives and his heart weren't right with God. So, his action were not acceptable.

This story was a definite heart check for me. If I am doing the things God has called me to do-tithing, teaching, serving, giving-all good things, but with an attitude of selfishness, obligation, bitterness, or pride, it means nothing. If I do it because I think that I am going to get something from God in return, it is useless. If I serve God only out of fear that He will "get me" if I don't, it's all for nothing. 

God wants our acts of service. He wants our time, our money, our actions. But more than all these things, He wants our heart. 

That's how I want to serve Him today. Not to get anything or get out of anything. Just because I love him. 

Father,

Help me today to check my heart. I want to serve you out of the depth of my love for you, not because of what I think I can get for myself. Forgive me, Lord, for the times my motives haven't been pure. Cleanse my heart of anything that isn't driven by love. I love you and I want my actions to be approved and accepted by you. Thank you for the example of the truest love that you have set for me by sending Your Son, Jesus, to be my savior and redeemer. Help me to love the way you love.

In Jesus' Name, Amen 

Bloom where you're planted

My daughter, Sierra, has a green thumb; something she did not inherit from me. I have one plant that I have been able to keep alive for nearly 5 years, but only because it is one of those almost indestructible and very forgiving plants that just has a very strong will to live.  

Sierra is in charge of caring for all the plants in our house. She waters them each week. She makes sure the dead leaves are removed. She arranges them the way she wants them on the tables. And, under her care, they grow! 

The thing that really amazes me about Sierra's ability to make things grow is that she can get them to grow in unusual places. I've seen her grow things in tin cans and plastic bags (we won't discuss the things that grow under her bed, that's for another post).  Her most recent project was growing beans in an old glass milk bottle. It was pretty cool!

Now, I'm pretty sure that beans weren't naturally designed to grow in old milk bottles in a 10 year-old's bedroom. Bean plants should be outside in a garden, soaking up the rain and dew and sunshine. So, when she first asked me if she could try it, I hesitated. I wasn't sure I wanted to deal with the mess it would make and the disappointment she would have when her little plant didn't grow. But she had her heart set on it, so I gave in.

And, wouldn't you know, the thing grew! It didn't matter if it wasn't the "proper" place for that little seed to grow. When Sierra provided everything the seed needed-water, soil, sunlight-it grew! Right where it was! Not only did it grow a long, beautiful vine, it also grew a little seed pod with new beans inside!!!

The believers in the book of Acts were like that. Acts 8:4 says

"Those who had been scattered preached the word wherever they went."

These believers were being persecuted and scattered from their homes. They left all that was familiar and comfortable and were placed in a new, scary situation. And yet, they chose to do what they were made to do-tell others about the love of Jesus. 

I need to remember this. Even when my circumstances aren't ideal-money is tight, my plans get changed, people don't behave the way I wish they would-God has given me everything I need to thrive. He has planted me there for a purpose and even through it's not what I would choose, He wants me to grow and to do what I was created to do, to "bloom where I'm planted."

So, that's my challenge. Even when things aren't going my way or aren't turning out the way I planned. Even when my circumstances are unfamiliar and scary, I need to look for the opportunity God has placed before me to do what He made me to do-share His love with those around me. He has given me everything I need.

 

Let it go

Do you ever get offended? Get your feelings hurt? Silly question, right? We all get hurt by other people sometimes. People say things they shouldn't or don't say things they should. We get talked about, left out, walked away from, neglected. And it hurts. If we let it, the hurt can bury itself in our hearts and build a wall of hurt and unforgiveness around it. When it does, the bitterness and resentment affects our relationships with other people, with ourselves, and with God.

As a follower of Christ, God tells me to forgive because He forgives me. But what, exactly, does it mean to forgive? Does it just mean the person says, "I'm sorry, " and we say "That's okay" and then never speak of it again? Does it mean that we move on with our lives and never bring it up..until the day we are hurt again and feel the need to rehash our hurts from the past. Doesn't it mean that we put on a smile on the outside but in our hearts still hold onto the hurt and keep our distance so it can't happen again?

No. None of these are true forgiveness.

According to dictionary.com, to forgive means, "to give up all claim on account of; remit." That puts a whole other spin on it, doesn't it. When I forgive someone for hurting me, I give up ALL claim to my hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment. Even if I feel it is justified. Even if the hurt was intentional. Even if I think holding onto the hurt will help protect me from getting hurt again.I have to let it go!

You know, I find this easy to do as long as the offense is small and the other person is sorry. When my friend says something that hurts my feelings and she apologizes, I can let it go. When someone has made plans with me and cancels at the last minute, I can move on (as long as they give me a valid reason). When my kids take me for granted and later come and thank me for what I've done for them, I can forgive and forget.

But what about when the offense is much, much bigger? What about when someone has deliberately hurt you and caused you pain in a way that can never, ever be taken back? What if they aren't sorry? What if the hurt happened long ago and the person isn't around anymore? How can we forgive when the unthinkable has happened? Do we even have to? Aren't we justified in feeling the way we feel when someone has done something so terrible? When we've been used or abused or unloved or loved in a way that was never meant to be? Do we still have to forgive?

I was reading the final section of the stoning of Stephen and his words spoke to my heart. Acts 7:59-60 says

⁵⁹ As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” ⁶⁰ He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge 
them with this sin!” And with that, he died.

 Wow! These people weren't just talking behind Stephen's back or spreading rumors. They weren't just trying to cause him pain. They were taking his life! They were stoning him to death. Can you imagine the pain of that? Surrounded by a group of people who hate you, being hit with stone after stone thrown by angry men, until you die. If anyone ever had a good reason for unforgiveness, it was Stephen.

And yet, he chose to forgive. Not just to say the words, but to truly forgive and give up all claim to being angry or hurt, even to the point of asking God not to hold their sin against them. Amazing!

And yet, God calls me to do the same. He is asking me to forgive people from my past who have hurt me in ways that never should have happened. He's asking me to release all claim I have to feel hurt or afraid or resentful or angry. To release my claim to hold on to memories and feelings that I use to protect my heart from being hurt again. 

But I can't. Left to my own devices, I can't let it go. I can't truly forgive. There's another verse in the story that tells me the secret to why Stephen was able to forgive these people even as they were ending his life. 

Acts 7:55 says 

⁵⁵ But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into heaven and saw the glory of God, and he saw Jesus standing in the place of honor at God’s right hand.

Stephen's ability to forgive came because he was filled with the Holy Spirit. His power to let it go came from his relationship with God. And that's where our will come from, too. Ask God to help you forgive, even those who have hurt you in indescribable ways. Ask for His spirit inside you to give you the strength to let go of the hurt and grab onto His grace. You will be amazed at what God will do when your heart is free from the past and able to embrace to future God has for you!

Heavenly Father,
Thank you, Lord, for you Spirit living inside me! You give me everything I need. Lord, fill me with your Spirit to the point that I have no room to hold onto my hurts of the past. I want to let go of my unforgiveness for things that happened to me that I cannot change or control. I want to run freely into the future you have for me without the weight of the past holding me back.  I know that I can't do it on my own, but you working through me can free me. I love you and praise you for the work you are doing in my heart to set me free. You are an amazing, loving, gracious God.
In Jesus' Name, Amen 

Yo-yo

Have you ever played with a yo-yo? You hold it in your hand with the string around your finger, then you drop it. You let it fall until it just hits the bottom of the length of the string, and then you yank it back up into your hand again. This is the whole game. Up and down, up and down. You never actually let go of the yo-yo and let it fall, you just let it go as far away from you as possible before you pull it back. 

For a very long time, 36 years, I lived my life believing that's how God worked. I thought he had me on a yo-yo. Good things would happen to me and I would praise God for what He had done. But then something bad or unexpected would happen and I would doubt Him and feel like He had dropped me. I would get to the end of myself and cry out to Him and feel Him pull me back up. I felt like God got great pleasure out of watching me go up and down, up and down. It was a miserable way to live, always waiting for the bottom to fall out and wondering if God was going to catch me this time before I hit the ground.

This summer, I had the opportunity to spend a lot of weeks teaching the 1st-4th grade class at my church while we waited for a new Children's Pastor to come on staff. The curriculum we were using had us studying in the book of Exodus, the story of Moses and the Israelites. I began the unit with the birth of Moses and finished up with Joshua leading the people across the Jordan river into the Promised Land. As I went through the weeks of teaching, a theme kept coming up-"don't forget what God has done for you."

Throughout the story of Moses, God proves over and over that He has a plan for them and that He will provide everything they need. He brought them out of captivity in Egypt and even caused the Egyptians to give them supplies they needed when they left. He parted the Red Sea. He provided water from a Rock. He sent manna from heaven. 

Every time God provided, the Israelites praised Him for what He had done. 

But every time they encountered another obstacle, they forgot. They doubted. They accused God of having them on a yo-yo, of bringing them out of Egypt just to kill them in the desert.

In Stephen's speech to the Sanhedrin in Acts 7, he goes over that same story, beginning with Abraham and following it through to David and Solomon. He then turns the situation back to the people around him and tells them they are just the same.

Acts 7:51 says

  “You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit!"

Ouch! 

I am right there with them! Always accusing God of not having my best interest at heart, of not caring what happens to me until I hit the lowest place. Thinking God takes pleasure in my pain.

But, I have come to understand something...God didn't put me on that yo-yo. I put myself there. It isn't that God drops me and lets me hit bottom. It's that I let go of Him. I try to control my life, my circumstances, my finances, my relationships and do things my way, rather than listening to the things God is speaking to my heart. Then, when it doesn't work out, I blame Him, when all along, He's been speaking to me and showing me how to do things His way, the best way.

What would happen if I let go of the yo-yo mentality? If I stopped seeing my hardships as a time of being dropped by God and started seeing them as being held by Him through it? What if, instead of blaming God for my mistakes and mess-ups, I turned to Him for the answers before I made the decision in the first place? What if instead of doubting when things get hard, I began to praise Him knowing that He has a plan and that He will give me everything I need?

God doesn't take pleasure in my pain. But He does use it. He knows the storms I walk through. He knows my feelings of sadness, disappointment, loneliness, worry, fear.  And He is there. Always holding me. Always speaking to me. He never leaves me. He will hold onto me, but I must choose to hold onto Him as well. 

Heavenly Father, 

Lord, I praise you and I thank you for always holding on to me. So often, I let go of you and try to do things my own way, resisting your Spirit and rebelling against you. Forgive me for those times when I have done my own way, messed up, and then turned and blamed you as if you caused my pain, or even enjoyed it. You ALWAYS have the best prepared for me. I am the one who chooses to settle for less. Help me, beginning today, to let go of my yo-yo mentality and to trust. I know you will never leave me or let me go and I choose to hold on to you as well. Thank you for loving me and for never giving up on me!

In Jesus' Name, Amen