Do you ever get offended? Get your feelings hurt? Silly question, right? We all get hurt by other people sometimes. People say things they shouldn't or don't say things they should. We get talked about, left out, walked away from, neglected. And it hurts. If we let it, the hurt can bury itself in our hearts and build a wall of hurt and unforgiveness around it. When it does, the bitterness and resentment affects our relationships with other people, with ourselves, and with God.
As a follower of Christ, God tells me to forgive because He forgives me. But what, exactly, does it mean to forgive? Does it just mean the person says, "I'm sorry, " and we say "That's okay" and then never speak of it again? Does it mean that we move on with our lives and never bring it up..until the day we are hurt again and feel the need to rehash our hurts from the past. Doesn't it mean that we put on a smile on the outside but in our hearts still hold onto the hurt and keep our distance so it can't happen again?
No. None of these are true forgiveness.
According to dictionary.com, to forgive means, "to give up all claim on account of; remit." That puts a whole other spin on it, doesn't it. When I forgive someone for hurting me, I give up ALL claim to my hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment. Even if I feel it is justified. Even if the hurt was intentional. Even if I think holding onto the hurt will help protect me from getting hurt again.I have to let it go!
You know, I find this easy to do as long as the offense is small and the other person is sorry. When my friend says something that hurts my feelings and she apologizes, I can let it go. When someone has made plans with me and cancels at the last minute, I can move on (as long as they give me a valid reason). When my kids take me for granted and later come and thank me for what I've done for them, I can forgive and forget.
But what about when the offense is much, much bigger? What about when someone has deliberately hurt you and caused you pain in a way that can never, ever be taken back? What if they aren't sorry? What if the hurt happened long ago and the person isn't around anymore? How can we forgive when the unthinkable has happened? Do we even have to? Aren't we justified in feeling the way we feel when someone has done something so terrible? When we've been used or abused or unloved or loved in a way that was never meant to be? Do we still have to forgive?
I was reading the final section of the stoning of Stephen and his words spoke to my heart. Acts 7:59-60 says
59 As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge
them with this sin!” And with that, he died.
Wow! These people weren't just talking behind Stephen's back or spreading rumors. They weren't just trying to cause him pain. They were taking his life! They were stoning him to death. Can you imagine the pain of that? Surrounded by a group of people who hate you, being hit with stone after stone thrown by angry men, until you die. If anyone ever had a good reason for unforgiveness, it was Stephen.
And yet, he chose to forgive. Not just to say the words, but to truly forgive and give up all claim to being angry or hurt, even to the point of asking God not to hold their sin against them. Amazing!
And yet, God calls me to do the same. He is asking me to forgive people from my past who have hurt me in ways that never should have happened. He's asking me to release all claim I have to feel hurt or afraid or resentful or angry. To release my claim to hold on to memories and feelings that I use to protect my heart from being hurt again.
But I can't. Left to my own devices, I can't let it go. I can't truly forgive. There's another verse in the story that tells me the secret to why Stephen was able to forgive these people even as they were ending his life.
Acts 7:55 says
55 But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into heaven and saw the glory of God, and he saw Jesus standing in the place of honor at God’s right hand.
Stephen's ability to forgive came because he was filled with the Holy Spirit. His power to let it go came from his relationship with God. And that's where our will come from, too. Ask God to help you forgive, even those who have hurt you in indescribable ways. Ask for His spirit inside you to give you the strength to let go of the hurt and grab onto His grace. You will be amazed at what God will do when your heart is free from the past and able to embrace to future God has for you!
Heavenly Father,
Thank you, Lord, for you Spirit living inside me! You give me everything I need. Lord, fill me with your Spirit to the point that I have no room to hold onto my hurts of the past. I want to let go of my unforgiveness for things that happened to me that I cannot change or control. I want to run freely into the future you have for me without the weight of the past holding me back. I know that I can't do it on my own, but you working through me can free me. I love you and praise you for the work you are doing in my heart to set me free. You are an amazing, loving, gracious God.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
As a follower of Christ, God tells me to forgive because He forgives me. But what, exactly, does it mean to forgive? Does it just mean the person says, "I'm sorry, " and we say "That's okay" and then never speak of it again? Does it mean that we move on with our lives and never bring it up..until the day we are hurt again and feel the need to rehash our hurts from the past. Doesn't it mean that we put on a smile on the outside but in our hearts still hold onto the hurt and keep our distance so it can't happen again?
No. None of these are true forgiveness.
According to dictionary.com, to forgive means, "to give up all claim on account of; remit." That puts a whole other spin on it, doesn't it. When I forgive someone for hurting me, I give up ALL claim to my hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment. Even if I feel it is justified. Even if the hurt was intentional. Even if I think holding onto the hurt will help protect me from getting hurt again.I have to let it go!
You know, I find this easy to do as long as the offense is small and the other person is sorry. When my friend says something that hurts my feelings and she apologizes, I can let it go. When someone has made plans with me and cancels at the last minute, I can move on (as long as they give me a valid reason). When my kids take me for granted and later come and thank me for what I've done for them, I can forgive and forget.
But what about when the offense is much, much bigger? What about when someone has deliberately hurt you and caused you pain in a way that can never, ever be taken back? What if they aren't sorry? What if the hurt happened long ago and the person isn't around anymore? How can we forgive when the unthinkable has happened? Do we even have to? Aren't we justified in feeling the way we feel when someone has done something so terrible? When we've been used or abused or unloved or loved in a way that was never meant to be? Do we still have to forgive?
I was reading the final section of the stoning of Stephen and his words spoke to my heart. Acts 7:59-60 says
59 As they stoned him, Stephen prayed, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” 60 He fell to his knees, shouting, “Lord, don’t charge
them with this sin!” And with that, he died.
Wow! These people weren't just talking behind Stephen's back or spreading rumors. They weren't just trying to cause him pain. They were taking his life! They were stoning him to death. Can you imagine the pain of that? Surrounded by a group of people who hate you, being hit with stone after stone thrown by angry men, until you die. If anyone ever had a good reason for unforgiveness, it was Stephen.
And yet, he chose to forgive. Not just to say the words, but to truly forgive and give up all claim to being angry or hurt, even to the point of asking God not to hold their sin against them. Amazing!
And yet, God calls me to do the same. He is asking me to forgive people from my past who have hurt me in ways that never should have happened. He's asking me to release all claim I have to feel hurt or afraid or resentful or angry. To release my claim to hold on to memories and feelings that I use to protect my heart from being hurt again.
But I can't. Left to my own devices, I can't let it go. I can't truly forgive. There's another verse in the story that tells me the secret to why Stephen was able to forgive these people even as they were ending his life.
Acts 7:55 says
55 But Stephen, full of the Holy Spirit, gazed steadily into heaven and saw the glory of God, and he saw Jesus standing in the place of honor at God’s right hand.
Stephen's ability to forgive came because he was filled with the Holy Spirit. His power to let it go came from his relationship with God. And that's where our will come from, too. Ask God to help you forgive, even those who have hurt you in indescribable ways. Ask for His spirit inside you to give you the strength to let go of the hurt and grab onto His grace. You will be amazed at what God will do when your heart is free from the past and able to embrace to future God has for you!
Heavenly Father,
Thank you, Lord, for you Spirit living inside me! You give me everything I need. Lord, fill me with your Spirit to the point that I have no room to hold onto my hurts of the past. I want to let go of my unforgiveness for things that happened to me that I cannot change or control. I want to run freely into the future you have for me without the weight of the past holding me back. I know that I can't do it on my own, but you working through me can free me. I love you and praise you for the work you are doing in my heart to set me free. You are an amazing, loving, gracious God.
In Jesus' Name, Amen
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