Yo-yo

Have you ever played with a yo-yo? You hold it in your hand with the string around your finger, then you drop it. You let it fall until it just hits the bottom of the length of the string, and then you yank it back up into your hand again. This is the whole game. Up and down, up and down. You never actually let go of the yo-yo and let it fall, you just let it go as far away from you as possible before you pull it back. 

For a very long time, 36 years, I lived my life believing that's how God worked. I thought he had me on a yo-yo. Good things would happen to me and I would praise God for what He had done. But then something bad or unexpected would happen and I would doubt Him and feel like He had dropped me. I would get to the end of myself and cry out to Him and feel Him pull me back up. I felt like God got great pleasure out of watching me go up and down, up and down. It was a miserable way to live, always waiting for the bottom to fall out and wondering if God was going to catch me this time before I hit the ground.

This summer, I had the opportunity to spend a lot of weeks teaching the 1st-4th grade class at my church while we waited for a new Children's Pastor to come on staff. The curriculum we were using had us studying in the book of Exodus, the story of Moses and the Israelites. I began the unit with the birth of Moses and finished up with Joshua leading the people across the Jordan river into the Promised Land. As I went through the weeks of teaching, a theme kept coming up-"don't forget what God has done for you."

Throughout the story of Moses, God proves over and over that He has a plan for them and that He will provide everything they need. He brought them out of captivity in Egypt and even caused the Egyptians to give them supplies they needed when they left. He parted the Red Sea. He provided water from a Rock. He sent manna from heaven. 

Every time God provided, the Israelites praised Him for what He had done. 

But every time they encountered another obstacle, they forgot. They doubted. They accused God of having them on a yo-yo, of bringing them out of Egypt just to kill them in the desert.

In Stephen's speech to the Sanhedrin in Acts 7, he goes over that same story, beginning with Abraham and following it through to David and Solomon. He then turns the situation back to the people around him and tells them they are just the same.

Acts 7:51 says

  “You stiff-necked people! Your hearts and ears are still uncircumcised. You are just like your ancestors: You always resist the Holy Spirit!"

Ouch! 

I am right there with them! Always accusing God of not having my best interest at heart, of not caring what happens to me until I hit the lowest place. Thinking God takes pleasure in my pain.

But, I have come to understand something...God didn't put me on that yo-yo. I put myself there. It isn't that God drops me and lets me hit bottom. It's that I let go of Him. I try to control my life, my circumstances, my finances, my relationships and do things my way, rather than listening to the things God is speaking to my heart. Then, when it doesn't work out, I blame Him, when all along, He's been speaking to me and showing me how to do things His way, the best way.

What would happen if I let go of the yo-yo mentality? If I stopped seeing my hardships as a time of being dropped by God and started seeing them as being held by Him through it? What if, instead of blaming God for my mistakes and mess-ups, I turned to Him for the answers before I made the decision in the first place? What if instead of doubting when things get hard, I began to praise Him knowing that He has a plan and that He will give me everything I need?

God doesn't take pleasure in my pain. But He does use it. He knows the storms I walk through. He knows my feelings of sadness, disappointment, loneliness, worry, fear.  And He is there. Always holding me. Always speaking to me. He never leaves me. He will hold onto me, but I must choose to hold onto Him as well. 

Heavenly Father, 

Lord, I praise you and I thank you for always holding on to me. So often, I let go of you and try to do things my own way, resisting your Spirit and rebelling against you. Forgive me for those times when I have done my own way, messed up, and then turned and blamed you as if you caused my pain, or even enjoyed it. You ALWAYS have the best prepared for me. I am the one who chooses to settle for less. Help me, beginning today, to let go of my yo-yo mentality and to trust. I know you will never leave me or let me go and I choose to hold on to you as well. Thank you for loving me and for never giving up on me!

In Jesus' Name, Amen